How to meet your wife

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Every time I ask someone how he met his wife, some eerie silence follows my questions. People seem embarrassed or reluctant to tell their great tale. Then the silence is followed by this weird question

“Sasa ntakwambia aje”

Then I figured the biological clock does not only tick for women. Even men get that itch to find their perfect match and settle down. As tradition dictates, women are the prey while men are the predators. All you have to do as a guy is identify your target and attack…wittily of course. To us women, that sounds easy like ABC. Compare that to just sitting and waiting until the right man identifies you as a target then gathers the courage to approach you. It’s nerve wrecking. Maybe there is no definitive formula for meeting your spouse but surely, the process is not as mechanical as we make it.

I’ve been talking to my male cohorts, both married and unmarried and as it turns out, people can be very strategic when it comes to meeting their wives. For some, it’s a love at first sight affair while for others, a lifetime journey of marriage begins with friendship. The most common and ridiculous strategy (which might have worked for some) is frequenting the church. Social events and professional conferences are also deemed as potential  meeting points.

Of course, these are just strategies that have turned out to be more futile than fruitful. I can confidently tell you that meeting your wife is the simplest yet most complex affair. Confusing right? It’s a paradox The journey has never been easy for anyone. At times you will feel like a chicken with its head cut off, but I’ll give you five methods that have worked for a few others. Maybe they might work for you as well:

The girl next door

Let’s be honest with each other. There has to be some girl in the neighbourhood who makes the hairs at the back of your neck stand. You see her everyday cleaning the corridor in an old school leso, but you see the curves behind the erotically tied leso. Maybe she knows your routine and therefore cleans the corridor at a convenient time. Have you thought about that? How about you start the conversation. Say hi to her and maybe she could be your wife in a few years from now.

I know of someone, now married for three decades. He met his wife in the neighborhood. He just spotted her, liked her, and gathered the courage to approach her. But if courage was a person, he would be cowardly. Dude walks to his neighbour’s house. A neighbor who is way older than him. They cannot possibly be friends, but he has one purpose; to talk to his crush. Then he gets there, says hi and courage aborts the missions. Retreats without a warning. So he has to pretend and come up with a lie.

“I’m here to see your uncle” He says, with a serious face, one that cannot be mistaken for love

“He is not in” She replies, disinterested in the tall, dark skinned man

And he had to leave, empty handed, but hopeful and that’s how he met his wife; from around the block. The people around you could make very good partners, if only you stay open minded, strategic and persistent.

Sometimes it’s an anomaly

One of the most interesting stories I’ve heard involved a ‘not so good’ first time collision. A good friend of mine stepped on a girl, by accident. Then he said “sorry”, but the girl wouldn’t have it. So she insulted him and he insulted her back. They got into a verbal fight. An onlooker wouldn’t mistake them for a couple. Flash forward and they have a beautiful baby girl, all grown up. Maybe you will meet your wife in the weirdest way possible. Just keep your eyes and ears open.

The hero takes the girl home

Disclaimer; this story is about to sound like a common movie scene but guess what, even movies borrow from real life. Let me call this guy X and her wife Y. So Y went to an event, accompanied by a female friend. It was a reggae event. I don’t know how true this is but reggae fans can be really weird. In a reggae event, I hear you’ll meet all sorts of hooligans and weirdos. It’s where you’ll find a strange looking dude without one ear. Then reggae fans tend to be overly social. They’ll want to talk to every girl they see and dare you say no. So Y finds herself in a fix. Some reggae hooligans are harassing her. She is in distress and in need of help. I know you can tell the ending to this story but allow me to finish anyway. X comes in to save her. He is the hero and so he has a gate pass. He can talk to her without the fear of being rejected. He however had to court her for three years before she finally agreed to settle down with him. When I asked why, X told me she never felt convinced he was the one at that time; a peculiar feeling when you meet your wife to be. It is never that obvious she is the one. You’ll constantly convince yourself you can do better. Don’t worry though- everyone experiences such feelings.

In a nutshell, ladies like kind men. Furthermore, the primary roles of a man are to protect and provide. Every time you see a girl in a situation that requires help, remember it’s time to pounce on the prey by being heroic.

It could be a Matatu affair

The average man spends his mornings and evenings in the matatu. One of the most crucial decisions you make on a daily basis is where to sit. Will you sit next to that pum pum fellow? If it’s cold, he serves the purpose. Maybe you’ll choose to sit close to that astoundingly cold hearted hot diva, who looks a little snobbish and then stick to your lane the entire ride by pretending to be busy scrolling the phone. If you’re unlucky, you’ll end up next to some overly jolly fellow with a stinky leather jacket. This is where you meet all sorts of people and guess what, some of them are your potential wife. If you’re keen, at times it’s the girl who chooses you. You’ll see her as she enters, scans the matatu and settles cozily in the seat next to you. You’ve been chosen my friend. If you like her, a simple ‘hi’ won’t hurt, then comment on the music, the weather or the traffic. Sometimes, it’s going to backfire and sometimes it will work, but don’t pass the opportunity to meet your wife in a Matatu just because you hope to meet her in some grand professional corporate event at the Michael Joseph Centre.

At the workplace

You spend at least 8 hours of a day at the workplace. That’s enough time to meet people, analyze their personalities and do some elimination. There is no better place to meet and get to know people than at the workplace. I’m not saying you should date all your colleagues. All I’m saying is that the workplace is a platform for you to put yourself out there. Try your luck but keep it classy. Only take your chances and hit on her if you’re sure you see a wife in her. Otherwise a fling at the workplace is ill advised.

Your friends’ friends

How do I send friend requests on facebook. Facebook suggests by stating the number of mutual friends I have with certain people. The more mutual friends we have the safer I feel to be their friends on social media. The same rule applies in real life- people feel safer when there is a mutual friend connecting them. Use your friends to meet people. Go out for drinks, attend their events and functions, attend wedding and burials (if you don’t mind meeting your wife at a funeral; you might just end up in a dying relationship). Nonetheless, several of the people I know met their wives through relatives and friends. They make the best match makers.

Conclusively, all your tactics may seem to be leading to dead ends and it can be frustrating, but I’d advise you to still have fun while at it and break nobody’s heart. One more thing; even when you meet her, you’ll be in denial. There will be that constantly nagging thought, that you could do better, but trust you me, fate doesn’t make mistakes. It might even take up to ten years of marriage before you finally make peace with your mind and accept that you made the right choice. I’ve heard people complain about their choices, 20 years down the line, but they stick together and endure. So if you’re out there searching, focus on what’s positive about the people you’ll meet. Stay alert because it’s the people around you. She could be staring at you right now. You could be showing her this post or maybe she just crossed your mind as you read through this. All I’m saying is you should make the search easier, for both you and her. That way you’ll be happier and more successful.